Purple Rain

I'm going to start out this article by telling you the truth, because you deserve it and a great relationship is built on trust. I love Prince. Not to the extent my little heart beats for Bjork and her incredible Dancer in the Dark film (because it is awesome,) but everytime I hear a Prince song I skip a little bit. Now, I know that he is an egomaniac narcassist but my god that man can wail on a guitar and everyone gets a collective orgasm. So by any means, Purple Rain should be awesome. A Prince musical? It should've been hailed by the cinema Gods as a triumph.

If it wasn't just so................ridiculous.

Purple Rain is set in a small down in Minnesota where performer The Kid (Prince) and his band "The Time" are top acts in a showcase...if only The Kid could play more than one song before storming off the set. He soon meets the beautiful Apollonia (no shit, that's her name in real life too,) and falls in love with her. However, his rival Morris Day is set to steal his girl and his prime position on the stage. With this to contend with and an abusive relationship at home, Prince...I mean The Kid must rise to the occasion and save his mother, his father, Apollonia and himself.

Why Is It Bad?

(Seriousness....right there.)
Prince may be a lot of things but an actor he ain't. Having this film thrust upon him, Prince struggles under the weight of learning lines, conveying emotions and trying to prove that he is, you know, straight. Cue the most uncomfortable sex scene since you discovered your "parents" tape and a lot more rubbish scenes from the short and high pitched man. He isn't the only one, after all, most of the main actors are musicians and they all struggle under learning lines, direction and all that important movie stuff; which is more unbelieveable because they all are essentially playing themselves. And Purple Rain is as though Prince wrote it himself so it's more difficult to believe that he didn't and that he didn't direct it, produce it and play all the characters. It's the most vein peice of cinema. Ever.

(I said ever!)

Why Is It Good?

"Purple Rain," "When Doves Cry," "Baby, I'm A Star," "I Would Die 4 U," "Jungle Love," and "Let's Go Crazy." This films soundtrack and song listing is mind blowingly good. Being a musical, you are treated to some of the best songs of Prince's career all in a nice little cinematic showcase. Prince does what he does best and in sheer contrast to his acting skills blows everyone away with some incredible songs that you can't help but shake your booty too. The film is essentially a Prince concert without the ticket prices and the million encores so Purple Rain gets away with being awesome.

Purple Rain is what I like to call a defiant 80's movie. Big hair, big songs, big costumes and big hearts, Purple Rain is extremely good for Prince fans and hilarious for those who aren't. The film has a serious edge which works reasonably well considering the hammed up performances but that is much a credit to Clarence Williams II and Olga Karlantos (yes, those are names too) who play the mother and father in an abusive relationship.  Other than that, Purple Rain only great because it is a triumph for guitar solo's and hairspray.

And squeeky short men everywhere.

TTFN
Cookie.