Film News
Apologises for the week break but due to family emergencies and commitments I was unable to completely any of my articles last week. That being said I know you have been hankering for my witty insights for a fortnight and I am going to bring you a bit of a bumper edition of this slot.
The Good News
Take this following news with a bit of salt but I believe it is a win.; the 2012 date for the new Halloween film has been scraped because, well, there seems to be no film for it. That ever delightful film company Dimensions, had penned the movie for October 26th but since the disaterous Rob Zombie movies, there seems to be a divide in Hollywood as to whether the world needs another Halloween. Yes I know, Hollywood are thinking sanely for once. Don't worry that wont last long; you haven't seen the bad news section yet.
(A depiction of Hollywood on our movie enjoyment)
Now for news that combines two loves that every woman has; Tom Hardy and outlaw bikers. Ok, maybe just Tom Hardy but we can't resist a bad boy image and since This Is War panned, badly, and Bane in The Dark Knight Rises is hardly accessible for the average woman. So great news for those who want Hardy to don the leather, grease and tattooes as an unnamed screenplay from Sons Of Anarchy producer John Linson and Vancancy's Mark L Smith lands right in his laps. The story follows that of a Veitnam soldier who comes back from war to find a culture clash in his beloved San Fransico. Instead of joining the Hippie war, he choses the biker one to help with his rage. While not really the best outlet for anger management, any film that will have Tom Hardy looking like this;
has my backing.
(Leather makes even Perlman attractive)
Pairs in Hollywood can ring perfection (The Cohen Brothers) or disaster (The Wayans Brothers) but far from the latter comes a new film from the classic bromance of Tim Burton and Disney. Frankenweenie is set to hit cinemas this year and its new trailer was released this week. This is Burtons first stop motion piece since The Corpse Bride and tells the story of young Vicktor Frankenstein as he experiments with bringing his dead dog back to life. With voice talents from Winona Ryder, Catherine O'Hara, the original Burton girl, and Christopher Walken the film has all the highlights of Burton and joys of a Disney film. Watch this teaser trailer and get ridiculously excited.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2cqI6hPra7c
The Bad News
I feel bad that after that high I have to bring you guys crashing down to a terrible low. And what better way to snap you back into reality with the crushing news that Human Centipede 3 is under production. The sickening Tom Six (six six) delivers another slice of that disgusting pie that is set to give you brain poisioning for the rest of your life. Whilst the first installement had some degree of storyline (an acute degree,) the second was unnecessary trash that had to be striped of all its rancid meat before we could feast upon it. Now that I have put you of your dinner, I will continue my tradition of not showing you anything to do with the Human Centipede.
(Nawwwahhh)
Now that I have successfully left you without an appetite, and shocked you beyond repair, I can now inform you that another sequel is in the works ready to take away our hope for a promising Hollywood future. Gnomeo and Juliet, the not needed retelling of Shakespeares classic right in your back garden, has a new film underway. Instead of ripping off our most famous wordsmith, we now have a rip off of our favourite detective with, wait for the pun, Sherlock Gnomes. As if he hadn't been flogged to death, this porcealin policemen is to invesitgate the disapperence of Gnomes across the "country." Be ready for more shocking shocking puns.
Ok, I may enjoy it a little.
(too much pun and no work makes movies poor)
Snowhite and The Huntsmen and Mirror Mirror On The Wall, what do they have in coming? A shameless rehashing of a classic fairytale? Walt Disney turning in his grave? Yes? Yes! And to add a few more rotations in the great animator, Disney (the company, not the man) has a new take on the classic Sleeping Beauty villian Maleficent. Starring Angelina Jolie, this new spin takes Maleficent and her relationship with the Princess from the fairies point of view. Yes, Maleficent is a fairy.
A very big, scary fairy.
Ironically, this re-telling of Sleeping Beauty is causing me some wicked insomnia.
I'm sorry, I couldn't resist. Gnomeo and Juliet have sent me on a bad joke spiral.
It's Aurora-ful.
I'll stop.
TTFN
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