5 More Board Game Films.
Once upon a time, Hollywood walked into a toy shop and stared around with huge dollar signs in their eyes, wondering "How can I destroy childhood to make it big?" And they did not fail! With the release of Real Steel (Smash Em & Bash Em Robots,) Battleship (.....Battleships,) and hell even chess is in Harry Potter; there seems to be no stop to Boardgames becoming film. So against my better judgement, Cookie N Screen have a few more ideas that if made, we will totally sue for rights.
Don't Wake Dad.
The Game.
This game induced many terrifying childhood memoeries as you sneak across the board as naughty children trying to steal food from the fridge. However, Dad is asleep and waking him up (because you have to press his alarm clock as you live on the edge of danger.) One press too far and he catches you munching your heart out to obesity. You have lost the game and Dad is not very impressed. Back to bed to you naughty children and try the board again. Just Don't Wake Dad, if you don't want to die of shock when he leaps out of his bed.
The Film.
Jason Stathem plays Dad; an ex -CIA Agent who is knocked out on a secret mission. In his coma, his friends and family learn that there is a bomb inside his heart and if he wakes up, he will explode and kill not only himself, but the whole hospital. It is up to his children, Chloe Mortez and Jennifer Lawrence, to sneak around hospital finding the cure and the right surgeon for their fathers cure. Meanwhile, as Jason Stathem sleeps, in his mind he is fighting a load of nightmarish villians with his cockney brute accent and huge chin. Will he be so scared he wakes up? Will his children find the cure? It's an ass kicking adventure that is not at all like Crank. No, not at all...
Maybe a little.
Kerplunk!
The Game
There are a bunch of plastic needles holding a bunch of marbles. The aim of the game, in some Jenga esque hilarity, is to remove the needles one by one and try not to let the marbles escape at the same time. Whoever gets the most marbles loses; you know, the will to live? It's one of those games that seems fun at first until you've pulled the first needle and you realise that you've wasted more time setting this board game up than playing it.
The Film
Matt Damon plays Ker Plunk, an ex-CIA agent who now lives as a toy shop owner in the surburb of "Exagenteria." However, he has made dangerous enemies and he comes home to find his daughter, Annoying Teenager, missing. A viral video is sent to him showing that his daugther is captured in a weird cage where plastic needles are all that stands in the way of really sharp bloody needles. Every hour that he doesn't find her, a needle is removed, bringing her closer to her death. it's a race against time to find the child, find the villian and stop Annoying's fiendish fate. At 5 hours long, Ker Plunk! is a high octane film!
Monopoly
The Game
The kind of game that I'm pretty sure is the basis for David Cameron's policy. If you don't know Monopoly then you have not only missed the highly successful board games including several spin offs, but you missed the McDonald's campaign that get people winning more apple pies than they have hoped for. The object at the end of the game (by the way, when is the end of the game) is to have the most property and money. Seems familiar to Britain today.
The Film.
In the year 2195, the world is in chaos and a recent uprising has caused The Government to go all badass on it's residents. So in a fit to install terror, hope and vigilence into the population they propose The Monopoly Games where one hand pick resident from each County must compete in a battle of property and death. The Counties include "Scottie Dog" "Top Hat." "Iron" "RaceCar" "Battleship" and "Thimble" and Pratniss Lovedbyalldeen, an ex-CIA agent, is chosen. The race is on, find your way to Mayfair and take over the highest properties, win the beauty pagents or DIE! In a film that's nothing like The Hunger Games or Battle Royale, Monopoly is a tense thriller. Don't pass go, Don't collect £100.
Trivial Pursuit.
The Game
Seperating the Sheldon Coopers from the Katie Prices, Trivial Pursuit is a fun game that battles your knowledge against family members. Of course, it was a fun games until Wikipedia and smartphones just went and ruined it all. Anyway, the object of the game is to earn pieces of cake and answer all questions correctly about history, science, literature and pop culture and earn the grand price of being smug. Smugly hated by all you know and love.
The Film.
Jason Segal plays an ex-Cia agent. Ok, no not this time, but he plays a loveably goofy geek who has entered the world famous Trivial Pursuit game to earn a price of the most smug man alive. However, he finds that he is up against his old teenage best friend Seth Rogan and his arch enemy Ed Helms, and they must battle against each other to win. Along the way of earning the pieces of cake, the soon becoming obese friends learn the true meaning of friendship and bromance and how to waste your lifes learning useless knowledge. Starring actress as the "punching above your weight" loves of all three of the movies stars, this film is fully of hilarious one liners that will be quotes by all the guys you know, for the rest of time.
Hungry Hungry Hippos.
The Game.
Om nom nom nom, you are in control of four hippos. You're mouth starts moving as balls fly everywhere across the hard board. You have to munch as many balls as possible in order to win the game. That is literally the game. It is over and done in 5 minutes but I'm pretty sure we can make a James Cameron esque movie out of this.
The Film.
From the minds of "Mega Shark" and "Giant Octopus," comes "Hungry Hungry Hippos," a terrifying horror. Seven teenagers spend spring break in a log cabin in the deep south. As they bathe in the water, one of the big titted few suddenly disappears, never to be seen again. Putting it down to a fluke, because teenagers these days haven't had enough horror movie information, they all start swimming again until Jock Boy disappears. As it turns out, 4 mutant hippos have been let loose in the river and sure enough, these hippos have been starved by crazed red necks who love nothing more than to kill horny teenagers. Staring the stars of One Tree Hill, 90210 and Glee, with Dennis Quaid as the wise cracking Sherrif, it's hungry hungry horror!.
Now, where are my riches?
TTFN
Cookie.
